Relentless by Tim S. Grover

Direct, blunt, and brutally honest, **Grover breaks down what it takes to be unstoppable: you keep going when everyone else is giving up, you thrive under pressure, you never let your emotions make you weak. In “The Relentless 13,” he details the essential traits shared by the most intense competitors and achievers in sports, business, and all walks of life. 

Notes from, “Grover, Tim S.; Wenk, Shari Lesser. Relentless (Tim Grover Winning Series). Scribner. Kindle Edition.”

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You keep pushing yourself harder when everyone else has had enough.

Do. The. Work. Every day, you have to do something you don’t want to do. Every day. Challenge yourself to be uncomfortable, push past the apathy and laziness and fear. (p. 38).

Whether you’re a pro athlete or a guy running a business or driving a truck or going to school, it’s simple. Ask yourself where you are now, and where you want to be instead. Ask yourself what you’re willing to do to get there. Then make a plan to get there. Act on it. (p. 42).

Picture a highly successful guy who has accomplished so much, but he’s a hundred pounds overweight because he’s driven by a food addiction he can’t control, and he’s content being an unhealthy multimillionaire. (p. 43).

People refuse to work out or control their diets because it’s not comfortable for them. But how comfortable can it be to drag around all that extra weight and all the physical problems that go along with it? Back pain, joint issues, shortness of breath, diabetes, heart problems . . . I’d estimate 85 percent of all physical discomfort comes from being overweight. (p. 43).

Believe me, if you really want to know what someone is made of, watch them go through sugar detox… You’ll know the program is working when you get a headache right behind one eye and you want to throw up. Within the first two days, they twitch, get hot and cold sweats, terrible gas, crazy thirst, and then they get shakes that only heroin and cocaine addicts can understand. I’m taking every ounce of sugar out of your body for ten days. After two horrible days, it starts getting better. And if you cheat, I’ll know. I make all my trainers go through it so they know what it feels like. (p. 44).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You get into the Zone, shut out everything else, and control the uncontrollable.

Truth: when you’re finally able to let go and be who you really are, that’s what puts you in the Zone, and only then can you control your fear and inhibition. (p. 49).

As Kobe says, you know you’re in the Zone but you can’t think about it, because thinking is a distraction. (p. 53). Scribner.

I can’t stand hearing athletes say, “When I’m under the lights, that’s where I turn it on.” No. When you’re in the Zone, you shouldn’t even notice the lights. Or need them. (p. 55).

Again: emotions make you weak. The fastest way to tumble out of the Zone is to allow emotions to drive your actions. (p. 55)

The only exception to the emotions rule is anger: controlled anger is a deadly weapon, in the right hands. All Cleaners have that slow-burning, blue-hot internal anger, and it works if they can control and maintain it. But it never becomes blind rage, and it’s never allowed to become destructive. (p. 56).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You know exactly who you are.

Most people are the lion in the cage. Safe, tame, predictable, waiting for something to happen. But for humans, the cage isn’t made of glass and steel bars; it’s made of bad advice and low self-esteem and bullshit rules and tortured thinking about what you can’t do or what you’re supposed to do. (p. 61).

Then why are you still questioning your ability to do it? Quick answer: because at some point, you made something simple into something complicated, and you stopped trusting yourself. (p. 61).

You want to see raw Cleaner instinct? Find a video of Larry Bird in the 1988 All-Star Game Three-Point Contest against Dale Ellis. (p.65).

After every shot, as soon as the ball left his fingertips, he turned back to the rack to get the next ball. Never watched a single shot after it left his hand… All instinct. He didn’t have to wait to see what would happen. He already knew. (p. 66).

Instinct is the opposite of science: research tells you what others have learned, instinct tells you what you have learned. (p. 66).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You have a dark side that refuses to be taught to be good.

It’s Superman shedding “mild-mannered” Clark Kent’s suit and glasses, the Incredible Hulk going green, Batman putting on the cape, the Wolf-man howling at the moon. It’s the ability to voluntarily or involuntarily drop all the bullshit and inhibitions and allow yourself to just do what you do, the way you want to do it, performing instinctively at the most extraordinary level. No fear, no limitation. Just action and results. (p. 70).

The more you take on, the more powerful you feel. You don’t get to be the best at anything without blistering confidence and an impenetrable shell. You get there by taking huge risks that others won’t take, because you rely on your instincts to know which risks aren’t risks at all. (pp. 71-72).

The ability to show up at the gym every day and do what no one else is willing to do, that comes from the dark side. (p. 74).

Cleaner Law: control your dark side, don’t let it control you. Do you want to smoke or do you have to smoke? (p. 77).

Cleaners never perform under the influence of anything; they place too much value on their mental state to allow anything to affect their minds and instincts and reflexes. (p. 78).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You’re not intimidated by pressure, you thrive on it.

Cleaners crave that height, along with the pressure of staying up there and going higher and higher. As soon as they start relaxing for just a moment, they instantly feel as if they’re slacking. (pp. 81-82).

Pressure can bust pipes, but it can also make diamonds. If you take the negative view, it will crush you; now you’re in an “I can’t do this” frame of mind. But the positive view is that pressure is a challenge that will define you; it gives you the opportunity to see how much you can take, how hard you can go. (Tim Grover Winning Series) (p. 85).

That’s how you know when the great ones are finally done: they no longer want to keep fighting that fight. They know what they’ve accomplished, and they make the choice to stop cranking up the pressure. And it’s always a choice, completely in their control. (p. 86).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . When everyone is hitting the “In Case of Emergency” button, they’re all looking for you.

Picture a military operation with a specific tactical strategy: go into that building, make sure it’s empty, go out the red door and into the waiting truck in back before the building blows up. You do exactly as ordered, everything goes according to plan . . . until you get to the red door. Locked. No other exit. Now what? Panic? Those ten seconds you spend panicking might be your last. A Closer will feel fear first, then fumble for an option. But a Cleaner will instantly feel his survival instincts kick in, giving him a rush of options, and he knows one of them will work because he’s already considered thirty variables before going into the building. (pp. 90-91).

That’s the trademark of a dangerous competitor: he doesn’t have to know what’s coming because whatever you show him, he’s ready. No fear of failure. (p. 92).

As hockey great (and Cleaner) Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” (p. 94).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You don’t compete with anyone, you find your opponent’s weakness and you attack.

Scott Burrell, a part-time player at best, was in the training room. Michael stormed in there, where poor Scott was on the table getting treatment for an alleged hamstring issue. MJ grabbed the table—with Scott still on it—and completely flipped it over. “I just played forty-eight fucking minutes last night!” Michael roared. “Everything’s killing me, and you have a fucking hamstring? Get your fucking ass in the fucking practice now!” Get on my level, or get the hell out of my way. (p. 101).

A lot of gifted people will lower their skills to close the gap between themselves and those around them, so others can feel more confident, involved, and relatively competitive. I’ve seen Kobe do that briefly when he has to, as a way to bring his teammates into the action and keep them engaged. It can work well depending on the other players, and as soon as Kobe sees his teammates stepping up, he’ll revert to his natural game. (p. 102).

During a game, Michael would assess who was and wasn’t giving 100 percent and make his own adjustments. He never showed frustration on the court; his body language and demeanor never changed. He’d just say, “You’re not playing tonight? That’s fine, I’ll play for all five of us. You keep it close into the fourth quarter, I’ll do the rest.” And he’d do it in a way that uplifted everyone else, as if that were the game plan all along. (p. 102).

After the game he was like Genghis Khan: he’d go after your balls and your head and everything in between. But during the game, while he was in that Zone, it was all about taking control, staying cool, and getting that end result. (p. 103).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You make decisions, not suggestions; you know the answer while everyone else is still asking questions.

What the hell is “inner drive”? Inner drive is nothing more than thought without action, internal wanderings that never hit the pavement to go anywhere… People who preach inner drive are dreamers with a lot of ideas and a lot of talk, and zero production. (p. 112).

You’ll never hear me say, “We have a problem.” We might have a situation that needs to be addressed, or an issue we have to resolve, but never a problem. Why automatically cast something as a negative? Instincts don’t recognize positive or negative. There’s only a situation, your response, and an outcome.(p. 114).

But that’s what most people do, they “test the waters” before jumping in. Why? Unless you suspect those waters are churning with crocodiles, what’s the worst thing that can happen if you take the plunge? You get wet. A Cleaner thinks, “No problem, I’ll swim.” Most people just stand at the edge shivering and looking for a towel. (p. 116).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You don’t have to love the work, but you’re addicted to the results.

During the 2011–12 NBA season, which started two months late due to a labor dispute, a lot of players suffered serious injuries. Almost all the blame was placed squarely on the lockout, the shortened season, too many games with too little rest. (p. 126).

One guy who took no shortcuts getting ready for the season was Kobe…

So when most players were relaxing with light workouts that did nothing to prepare them for the grueling months ahead, Kobe and I were in a gym most of the summer and fall, putting in hours every day, usually twice a day and sometimes more. (p. 127).

You start having a little success, people notice you, it feels good . . . and maybe you start feeling a little satisfied and privileged. Trust me: privilege is a poison unless you know how to manage it. (p. 129).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You’d rather be feared than liked.

This is what makes Kobe one of the greats of all time: He doesn’t tell you what he’s thinking or what he’s going to do. He just does it. He makes others fear his next move and respect his ability to execute it. (p. 132).

The loudest guy in the room is the one with the most to prove and no way to prove it. A Cleaner has no need to announce his presence; you’ll know he’s there by the way he carries himself, always cool and confident. (p.133)

Michael Jordan had the best intimidation technique I’ve ever seen. You can’t do this anymore, but before certain playoff games, he’d walk into the opponent’s locker room on the pretense he had a pal on the other side and he had to say hello. (p. 134).

He wouldn’t give it another thought. But for the stunned players sitting in that locker room, they could think of nothing else. Mission accomplished: He’d gone into their space and lodged himself in their heads for the entire game. (p. 134).

Kobe has always set himself apart, quite literally. He shoots alone before the game, never on the same basket as the other guys. And the other players stay away; that’s his Zone, and they know it. He might decide to go join them at the other basket, but that’s his choice; they would never encroach on his space. That’s respect. (p.138).

Kobe rarely goes out with teammates, he’d rather work out or watch game film. And he’d much rather have your respect than your friendship. Michael was the same, so was Bird. (p.139).

Being feared doesn’t mean being a jerk. I want you to carry yourself so you can be respected, not exposed as an insecure jackass who big-times others so he can feel better about himself. (p. 139).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You trust very few people, and those you trust better never let you down.

In the world of Cleaners, if you can’t be trusted, you’re gone. A Cleaner can count on few people, and if you’re one of them, it means you’ve earned it. If you’re not, watch your back. A Cleaner never forgives. Or forgets. (p. 143)

But I have to be honest: you should watch your back anyway, because while you can trust a Cleaner to finish the job, if his next job requires him to take you down, you’re going down. (p. 143).

If you’re a Cleaner, you’ve worked so hard and so long to master your craft, learning every detail and nuance of how to do it better than anyone else, inventing and reinventing new ways to set the standard of excellence for yourself and others, who can possibly give you advice on how to still improve? (p.144).

That’s a Cleaner’s talent, gathering the best possible assets, placing them exactly where they have to be, and if necessary, moving them into specific situations for his benefit. (p.145).

Cleaner Law: surround yourself with those who want you to succeed, who recognize what it takes to be successful. People who don’t pursue their own dreams probably won’t encourage you to pursue yours; they’ll tell you every negative thing they tell themselves. (p.149).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You don’t recognize failure; you know there’s more than one way to get what you want.

Cleaner Law: if your name is on the door, you’d better control what goes on behind that door. (p. 152).

Let’s make this simple: Failure is what happens when you decided you failed. Until then, you’re still always looking for ways to get to where you want to be. (p.153).

When someone else says you’ve failed, what they really mean is “If that were me, I would feel like a failure.” Well, that guy’s not you, and he’s obviously not a Cleaner, because Cleaners don’t recognize failure. (p. 154).

But when you’re the best at anything, you wear a big target on your back. When your colleagues and friends and enemies start talking and sniping behind your back, you know you’ve done something right if they care that much about you and your business, and whether you’re going to “lose.” Lose? What I lose you never had. (p. 155).

I’ve had this conversation over and over with guys nearing the end of their careers: In one year you’re going to be irrelevant. You’ll leave a legacy as a player, but what does that mean when you get up every day with nothing to do? Figure it out now, before you’re just another ex-player looking for attention. (p. 161).

#1. WHEN YOU’RE A CLEANER . . . . . . You don’t celebrate your achievements because you always want more.

Next. A Cleaner’s favorite words. There’s always more work to do. And more to prove. Always more to prove. Let everyone else celebrate. You’re still not satisfied. (p. 163).

If you want to find the Cleaner at a victory party, look for the guy standing off to the side by himself, watching everyone else. He’s happy for them because they can go home feeling that their work is complete. But his is always just beginning. He’s already thinking about the next move, the next risk, the next kill. (p. 164).

Winning is an addiction. The great Vince Lombardi once said, “Winning is a habit,” which is also true, but I think it’s a habit that inevitably becomes the addiction. You can’t understand it until you taste it, and then you can spend a lifetime craving more. (p. 165).

I’m telling you that because my advice to my daughter is the same advice I pass along to you, so you know it’s the truth: Every dream you imagine, everything you see and hear and feel in your sleep, that’s not a fantasy, that’s your deep instinct telling you it can all be real. Follow those visions and dreams and desires, and believe what you know. Only you can turn those dreams into reality. Never stop until you do. (p. 170).